i still don’t really understand it. im terrible/not hip enough at tumblr
This afternoon, I was instant messaged by a man I do not know on facebook. His name was Monster Praveen. We have 0 mutual friends, but I accept anyone who requests me on the FB, so here we are… me and Monster Praveen. Normally, I wouldn’t post messages like this publicly, but the conversation was so weird that I thought I’d share it with you.
My winter hibernation is over! I normally don’t like doing too many shows during the winter because I never have it in me to write new material, a lot of comedy shows don’t do shows during the winter, and frankly, it’s harder to get people to come out during the cold months, even when said months aren’t that cold. This past Saturday, March 10th, I was invited to do a show at the Moose Lodge in Batavia by my friend Matt Drufke. He asked me to host the show, and this was the perfect chance to work on my hosting and crowd work skills for the upcoming summer shows.
Dear key annoying audience members this past Saturday at the Improv during Charlie Murphy and Freeze Love’ set,
Hi. My name is Mat Elfring, and I hate you. Why do I hate you? Well, I spent a lot of money to take my girlfriend out to a comedy show, and you spent a lot of the night being fucking ridiculous. Listen, I understand we’re all at a comedy show, and we’re all having a great time, but I think you missed the point of the whole comedy show, which is to watch comedy. I will address the three of you individuals personally, so you feel as alienated as possible, even though you’ll never read this.
I don’t know if you guys saw it, but the very opening of the show was a video featuring the very funny Todd Glass where he explains the rules most rooms have. I’d like to re-establish two of these rules with you very quickly, again: Keep your talking to a minimum and turn off your cell phones. You all missed this video because you were talking.
1. Dude in the blue vest:
I’ll never understand people like you. People who are so oblivious to the world around them. Sure, there’s no law that says we should respect the people around us, but sometimes it feels nice to and when you respect people, they respect you back. You, however, are too busy not only talking on your phone, but talking louder than Charlie Murphy, who is on stage. Did you feel embarrassed when he made fun of you? Is that why you left so quickly and didn’t return? It’s pretty easy to go out into the hall and answer your phone, you know. Or, just don’t answer it.
2. Fat Guy Who Reminds Me of Every Italian Restaurant Owner
You’re loud, annoying, and you constantly tell everyone around you that your best friend is black and sitting next to you. Congrats. Three cheers for friendship diversity! Just because you’re big, your voice doesn’t has to be. I’m sure you and your pals love to chat, but I don’t like your conversations, and you know what else? You’re not funny, so please stop trying to tell jokes. Leave it to the professionals.
3. Fat Guy’s Black Friend
Yeah, you sucked too, and you both deserve each other. Aside from being just as loud, you spent a good deal of time yelling out things like “Darkness” and “fuck yo couch!” We all saw Chappelle show, and it was/is brilliant, but don’t you realize that Charlie Murphy hears this at every single show. The guy is a solid storyteller. Let him do his job, and enjoy it. Also, no one thinks you’re funny. They think the lines you’re repeating from television are funny. You’re a plagiarist.
Let me say this, being a comedian is not easy. It may be fun, but when people like you are around, it’s a bitch. We shouldn’t have to stop our sets in order to tell you to shut the fuck up or put down your phone. Aside from that, the room is packed with people that all payed roughly $35 a ticket, then a two drink minimum to go out for the night. That ain’t cheap. We don’t want to listen to you. We want to listen to Charlie Murphy and Freeze Love. I hope you all understand that you were insatiable twats that night, and while you may not have ruined my night, you sure did annoy the piss out of me and many other people in the audience. Remember, it’s not a good thing when the audience focuses their attention towards you.
A comedian and a lover of stand-up comedy
UPDATE: I forgot to mention one thing. I loved the Improv in Schaumburg. It was an amazing room, which made me a bit madder because these assholes will never understand how to appreciate a good comedy room. Comedians do a lot of shows in small venues, and sometimes even in the dreaded bars. Walking into a room like the Improv was very refreshing and incredibly impressive. It’s something a comedian can inspire to work up to. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll tell jokes anywhere and do it with a sincere smile on my face. I’ll play a bar during the 7th game of the World Series, with all the televisions turned on.
For those who want to know, I was apprehensive about seeing Charlie Murphy because he’s famous for a non-stand-up role. Like when Steve-O did Zanies in St Charles last year and bombed horribly according to a couple of my comedy loving friends that saw him. Luckily, Charlie was pretty funny, and more importantly, he brought the storytelling role from television onto the stage. It was worth every penny.
The host/opener was a poet from Chicago. He was very talented, but he wasn’t a comedian. It didn’t fit well, and his material seemed to be just for the black audience members.
The guy in between was named Freeze Love. I hated this guy’s stage name but loved everything else about him. He engaged the crowd incredibly well, and his comedy was a hit with everyone regardless of race, religion, or sex. I would love to see him and Murphy again.
Last week, I wrote an article on ComicVine about the most disappointing Marvel storylines. The week prior, I wrote the same article about DC. The Marvel article has quickly become the most popular editorial I’ve ever written for the vine, and with that comes a lot of love as well as a lot of hate.
Comic book fans are passionate. They love what they love, and they hate what they hate, and they have no trouble expressing what they feel. I love that about the community. That being said, I took a lot of guff for my choices. I “googled” myself this week because I am a bit of a whore for wanting to know what people say about me, and I found this quote on this tumblr page:
this is a guy who complained about One More Day, so he can go suck it.
I had a bit of a giggle. I understand why he or she is mad. This person loves One More Day and by me saying it’s an article that was disappointing to me… well, that’s a direct attack on something they enjoy. It becomes personal, even though it’s really not.
This next one is my personal favorite. It comes from the comment section of CV:
marvel hatters and dc fanboys attack. i’m NOT going to be suprised if there isnt going to be a “Most disappointing Story Lines: DC Comics”.
The very first sentence of this editorial is this:
Recently, I went over some of the most disappointing DC story lines I’ve read, and I couldn’t stop there because above everything else, there is one story line that disappointed me above everything else I’ve ever read, and it comes from Marvel comics.
It’s a simple case of not reading the article. This happens a lot in my line of work. People read the title of an article and just get angry.
This next one is in reference to One More Day, Peter Parker, and Mary Jane:
i really cant believe the guy that wrote the article said he’d be better gettin a divorce.
I truly believe that. You should too. There’s a lot of anger in his whole comment. I’m not sorry for having a different opinion than anyone else, but I feel like most of the time, I do a good job of backing up my opinion.
Here’s one of my favorites:
The reason why I love this one is because when I do these lists, sometimes people get mad I only list 3-5 items. Why not more? Well because writing these, while enjoyable, takes a lot of time. I’m not just throwing things into an article all willy-nilly. I usually go into my old comic collection, catch up on the story, do more research on the characters, and I spend a ton of time putting them together. I’d love to do a list of the 100 most disappointing story lines, but I simply don’t have the time between the 4 or 5 jobs I currently have. I want these articles to be enjoyable and accurate, so I put time into them. Quality over quantity.
Ok I hate to say “I told you so.” , but I did told you so things have gone down hill after the mouse took over ,
When will people learn to separate Disney the kiddie shit and Disney the company? There is no solid (or any) evidence that the Disney buyout had any affect on Marvel comics. It seems when Marvel does something they don’t like, they blame the mouse. That’s illogical thinking.
It wasn’t all hate. There was tons of love too. Like I said, I understand why people get so angry, but I think that they don’t understand is that you can’t write an article like this without loving Marvel or DC in the first place. I love comics. I may lean towards DC as the company I enjoy more, but that doesn’t mean I hate Marvel. I do, however, on occasion get tired of talking about how much I love the industry, which I do. They’re not bulletproof. They have flaws. We should all be able to call them out on it. Just because you love something that doesn’t make it infallible.
It’s been a weird year (not 2012, but moreso Feb 2011-Jan 2012). I originally started this blog as an outlet for writing that doesn’t have to deal with comic books, since I write for the glorious website ComicVine. Quickly after I started writing on this tumblr page, I was offered a writing position for the comedian run website, PrattleRattle. I tried my best to keep writing on the tumblr page, but between this, ComicVine, PrattleRattle, HopeYouDieBro (which will die next I’m sure), and every social media outlet I’m plugged into, this fell by the wayside.
However, as of this week, PrattleRattle is no more after loss of interest by pretty much every writer on the site, including myself. So, it’s a new year, and a new year to refocus on what the hell this tumblr is supposed to be. This is what the hipster kids use, right? Maybe I’ll put a picture of a phonograph to catch their attention.
If you haven’t noticed by now, there is no focus whatsoever to this post. I’m really just trying to get back into the routine of writing on this page. Sorry for disappointing you, but I have no real focus today.